I was carried away in a tug of war between my day's schedule and the incessant rush of thoughts. That's when I heard my phone beeping to read a message: "Our friend, "Ms. M, passed away." (The name is kept anonymous.) I was taken back and read the message repeatedly in denial.
She was neither my best friend nor a person I talk to frequently. She was a friend and a batchmate from my undergraduate alma mater.
It's been few years since I have last met or spoken to her. My flesh and mind remember her as a vibrant, young, peppy, charming girl whose smile lights up the room. I didn't check on her for a while hoping that she would be living a life somewhere around.
Numerous questions started puzzling my mind, "what, how, when, and why". I learnt that she was surviving sarcoma cancer for the past 10 months but I wondered how she had no symptoms until she was diagnosed at her fourth and final stage.
"Is this life so unfair?" my earthly cognition started questioning to make my chest feel heavier.
I believe life is not a binary statement between 'birth and death', it's a spectrum comprising the plethora of experiences and learnings brewing out of our pain and pleasure. Her story was not an exception to that.
She fought through her cancer bravely when she stayed away from family in a foreign country. She gave her best and ensured she made her journey vocal and positive. Any human would wish to meet our family for one last time before our soul bids its adieu to this perishable body, but she had none of them around. Knowing that broke my heart to further pieces.
I wasn't able to accept the truth and wished to convince myself that she was alive, and I was pondering around her social media profile immediately. Her recent few posts pushed me into a void. That little girl's face, words, and aura spoke nothing less than love, positivity, and gratitude, even when she was on the hospital bed, taking chemo, and fighting the lethal disease.
I fear no death; indeed, I look forward to the day I leave this planet. Hence, this situation didn't give me an iota of fear, but the sensation that it's an injustice to take a life away like a fallen leaf of an autumn—unpredictable—froze my reality.
It took me a moment to realise I was feeling breathless and numb. My mind wished to drop her a text, but can she read now? Does her soul know any human language at the moment?
Instances like this make us hit pause in our treadmill lives to think, "What's the purpose of life? Why would a person pass away earlier in life when billions of others are living sound and healthy? What's the algorithm to proportionate the life span of people? Why does one die who wishes to live while the others who expect death live beyond?"
I couldn't find even a drop of answer to the ocean of riddles. But she reminded me of a familiar quotation: "Life is impermanent and short. Nobody gotta say when is the last time we could meet eachother. Ichigo Ichie".
I wish I could at least quote a part of the caption she decided to leave back when she was alive:
"Time will never wait for anyone. Don't miss a chance or an opportunity today; let it be anything, maybe just a SORRY. Just go and say it; we don't know what's gonna happen tomorrow. Don't regret it later, guys! Life is beautiful; ❤️ cherish each and every moment 💕."
I hope she didn't miss her opportunity, and I hope nobody else does the same.
Finally, to the beautiful soul who departed from this earth, "Hey pal, I know you are no longer a human, but you will live a lifetime in my heart. Your impact on my mind, heart, and soul will be carried on for a long time. I know I can't reach you through digital communication any longer, but I hope you hear the voice of my soul. You live here with me, and you will be cherished until I can meet you again, somewhere, someday, love." ❤️